Spring Blahs

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Its spring and the weather is beginning to warm and we’re supposed to be all happy and inspired and ready for a new season with new life and hope and all that stuff. But its not always the case for everyone. I think I struggle most with the changeover to spring/summer exactly because of expectations. Expectation of great things to come, happy happy happy. And I never feel I’m able to meet those expectations. So, I withdraw. Become stoic and reinforce my invisible armour.

field of grasses
Yesterday I went plein air painting for the first time this season. I was absolutely uninspired. The resulting working was meh. Some dude on the trail behind me shouted out “those are the wrong colours”….. I didn’t flinch. Wrong for who? Is what I thought. Then a tiny teeny voice reminded me I do this for me first. This is, my paints are, and what my brushes produce, become an extension of me. Its me. On the canvas. Why would it be anyone else?? I will spend a lifetime learning about who I am, what I like, what I can do.  Its insane to think I would focus my life on figuring out what other people are all about. I can only do me.

So, this morning I left for a walk without a specific destination or route in mind. I let muscle memory take over. I listened to a few podcasts along the way. And snapped a few pictures of things that caught my attention; the colours and shapes in a field, a hidden pathway along a spring stream, the light shining through the trees and the shadows cast on the path.

I decided I’m going to bring out that 30” x 40” canvas that I prepped a month ago and just start. It will be for me. It will be about me. It will be me.

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