Expectations are like the Wind

It’s a big subject to ponder, expectations. What does it really mean to have expectations? Often it’s a preconceived notion that we imagine may come true. And as we know, when it comes to imagination there are endless possibilities. And too often our default is either to expect the worst or the best (less frequently). Seldom do we consider a neutral outcome, one that neither changes our world nor creates a ripple effect on the world beyond our own. Yet, if you follow a certain doctrine, every action does indeed cause a ripple effect regardless of whether or not we believe it. You only need to look at nature to see how one seemingly insignificant action can cause a ripple effect in an environment. For example, cutting down that old oak tree in the small forest behind the shed will affect the neighbouring trees, the plants that grow below it and the animals that once used the tree for shelter and food.

Expectations tend to keep us from moving forward. We place a carrot somewhere in the future but often have no plan, no map, no compass to help us move towards the carrot. Without a map we wander lost in our own self criticism.

My most recently completed painting, pictured here was wrought with expectations. Created for a specific purpose set out by a committee of people for an upcoming art festival, my expectations were for a spectacular work of art that everyone would marvel at with wonder and excitement. Thinking to myself I’ll make this the greatest painting they’ve ever seen, and the world will come to look in awe at my brilliant skills. Then the work begins. And because I’ve set the bar so impossibly high every step is painful. Its human nature to resist against pain, and so the work that should be full of expression and joy, giving and sharing of myself becomes instead a laborious process.  Don’t get me wrong, creative work is work. Its hard. It takes constant daily practice. And when done in the mindset of creating something worthwhile it becomes an extension of the artist. The opposite would be creating something to meet an expectation and missing the mark which then leads us down that dark hallway of harsh self judgement and critical thoughts. And if you’re like me and this thought train is left to chug down the tracks unchecked it becomes a poisonous pit of regret, self deprecation, depression and well all sorts of unhealthy thoughts and feelings produced by those thoughts.

When I was much younger, I didn’t have the experience nor inner strength to stop that train. Today I have decades of experience. Although the experience doesn’t make it easier, it does provide red flags that help me to recognize when I’ve gone too far. I know what that train sounds like and I tend to pull up and stop it before it gets too far.

So, this morning I am laughing at myself for allowing expectations to get in the way of creating work. This doesn’t mean that I go blasting through the forest without a map. It means that I trust the process, the “map” I’ve created, and I follow the map while allowing it to take side trails when it feels appropriate.

I look at this painting now, knowing I could probably work on it more but that any additional work at this point won’t make any significant impact to its current outcome. I followed my process, and the important work was done before I even realized it. The story is there. It just may not be that shining star that I expected. And that’s ok. Because I can now move on to the next artwork taking with me what I learned from the last and striving for even better work but not allowing myself to get caught up in expectations. Expectations are like the wind; they push us towards something that we never seem to reach. So today I must remember to trust the process and share the work with the world. Then repeat.